Untying the Knot

by Joel Fram and Sandra Salmans

 

Love the quest;

marriage the conquest;

divorce the inquest.

-Helen Rowland, American journalist

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.

-Zsa Zsa Gabor, American actress.

Ah yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.

-Robin Williams, American comedian

 

What a lovely surprise to finally discover how unlonely being alone can be.

-Ellen Burstyn, American actress

I’d marry again if I found a man who had $15 million and would sign over half of it to me before the marriage and guarantee that he’d be dead within a year.

-Bette Davis, American actress
A system could not well have been devised more studiously hostile to human happiness than marriage.

-Percy Byshe Shelley, British poet

 

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.

-Jack Benny, American comedian

It’s like magic. When you live by yourself, all your annoying habits are gone!

-Merril Markoe, American author

When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn’t a sign that they “don’t understand” one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.

-Helen Rowland , American journalist

Love is an obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.

-Karl Bowman, American doctor

Whenever I date a guy I think, is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?

-Rita Rudner, American comedian

It is better to have loved and lost, but only if you have a good attorney.

-Herb Caen, American journalist

 

Don’t think that every sad-eyed woman has loved and lost-she may have got him.

-Anonymous

Divorces are made in heaven.

-Oscar Wilde, Irish playwright/author

You can’t stay married in a situation where you are afraid to go to sleep in case your wife might cut your throat.

-Mike Tyson, American boxer

American women expect to find in their husbands a perfection that English women only hope to find in their butlers.

-W. Somerset Maugham, British author

 

We sleep in separate rooms. we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations-we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.

-Rodney Dangerfield, American comedian